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Monday, May 23, 2011

Cut Throat Kommandos

Okay kiddies, its time for some nazisploitation! Here we have Cut Throat Kommandos (1969) aka The Cut Throats (as it says at the beginning of the actual film) aka SS Cutthroats aka She Devils Of The SS aka aka. These movies generally have about five titles as they all had multiple vhs/ theatrical releases over a span of years. As with any film in this misbegotten genre it contains a thinly veiled "plot" that is used as an excuse for soft or hardcore sex scenes involving men or women in nazi uniforms sexing it up with women. Sometimes in a brothel, sometimes a dungeon or a "love camp". It doesn't really matter that much as the genre is pretty much bullshit but can provide rare entertainment or multiple whatthefucks like this one did.

The movie was pretty much bullshit (try to contain your surprise please), but look at that big box and try and tell me to my face that its not a keeper. I mean really, IT HAS A HUGE FUCKING SS TOTENKOPF WITH EYE SOCKETS FILLED WITH DIAMONDS ON IT! Like any exploitation film worth its weight in horse shit, none of the images on the box have the slightest thing to do with the film at all. There is no sneaking up and knifing a guy in the throat, awesome SS mansion (The compound in the movie looks mysteriously like a two story ranch house in Utah or something, not a super secret SS planning base deep in Germany 1945, Germany doesn't have ginormous rolling hills of scrub land that I know of) or anything pictured on the back of the box even for that matter. The pictures are from other movies, which ones I cannot readily say, but I will hopefully one day find out and welcome any informative leads to aid in their identification. The third picture looks like an actual WWII photo! Wow VEC, you really hoodwinked a video renter or seven didn't you? Here's the back of the box:

The packaging is quite thematic, continuing the SS Allegemeine uniform black and white theme right down to the inner tray and tape label. I gotta hand it to 'em, they were thorough. There's even an SS dagger with the movie title in gothic script on the blade on each side of the box:

Anyways, enough ballyhoo about the awesome packaging as its time to talk about the tit shots (scratch that) I mean plot I mean tit shots. There really is no separation from the two at all so far as this film is concerned as we see tits and ass about every 8-10 minutes here (and that's an overly generous estimate, I think its more like 4-6). It all takes place somewhere deep in the non existant scrubland of Germany in 1945 near a super secret somebody's grandparents ranch house nazi base camp. A pointless character introduction is used as an excuse for a sex scene within the first four minutes of the movie. Flash forward to later and a rogue US Army officer is setting up a dirty half dozen type mission to raid said ranch house secret base. Unbeknownst to our would be badasses (except for the man behind the operation), there is a cache of jewells hidden somewhere on the base worth a million bucks. How does the audience find this out before anyone else? A sex scene of course!

I'm not even be sure it can be called a sex scene, it involves a topless woman giving a fat nazi officer a massage in a sauna then fucking his left foot. NOT JOKING. There actually really is no specific plot to speak of. But there is lots of tits, ass, and even a brief burlesque show for good measure. Oh, and I nearly forgot the erotic massage involving heavy sprinklings of that all too sexy substance talcum powder. The rest of the film could easily be summed up in the following sentence: "Ass and titties, ass ass and titties, shooting, death, ride into the sunset." THE END

Being a WWII enthusiast, I was obviously irked by the lack of attempt at reasonable German uniform/equipment accuracy. For instance, the SS NEVER used the black Allegemeine uniform for combat purposes! EVER. Besides the fact that one of them in the movie looks like they simply took an ugly black four pocket blazer and painted white piping on it everywhere- fuck it. Maybe the most baffling thing was the presence of a standard Kubelwagen with Afrika Korps markings... What's wrong here you ask? I'll fucking tell you what. This film takes place in GERMANY IN 1945, The Afrika Korps surrendered in TUNISIA IN 1943. Besides the fact that Germany has zero desert scrubland, there would be NO desert tan vehicles ANYWHERE in Germany- especially with the unique unit markings of a fighting force that no longer existed, FUCKING GOD DAMNIT. I know these movies are not meant to be accurate, but it just drove me so fucking nuts how could I not piss and moan about it!?

Watch it if you feel like it, that's all I can really say at this point.


Some time after posting this, I realized that is NOT in fact an SS Totenkopf on the box cover but the type used by the German Panzerkorps. The SS version is noticeably different and also has a jaw.  I already knew this, whoops!

1 comment:

  1. Wow. Sounds like they really went out of their way to include as much titties and ass as possible. Left foot fucking, really?? I'm speechless.