Sunday, March 27, 2011
Hello and welcome to the inaugural post of Fuckshit!- The Home Video Review! Enjoy yourself!
This movie is such a turd. A Certain Sacrifice starring none other than a 19 year old Madonna Ciccone! Filmed in 1979, released in 1985 when her fame was assured, and somehow managed to be released on Betamax and even a Region 0 DVD. Its only an hour long, which would have been better spent getting drunk to make stomaching it simpler and more enjoyable. You would think a poorly acted/directed rape-revenge movie ending with a satanic murder ritual featuring a soon to be pop icon that was shot on 8mm film couldn't be too terrible, but all I can say is it was less than awful but worse than bad. At least Madonna is topless in it a bunch, or I would have lost all interest much sooner. Alas, the old adage of "You can teach a new dog old tricks but you can't teach Madonna to act" once again rings true. Also baffling is the fact that all sides of the box EXCEPT the cover have the subtitle "A New Musical". By musical the director obviously meant "I can't think of what to do for roughly 20 odd minutes of my 1 hour movie so I should have random montages every few minutes with music over the top of it". It does however win for being the most delightfully colorful big box (packaging wise) I own so far. Another interesting item of note is the cover image. Look close and you will see that much of it is painted, as being shot on 8mm, only the section of the two faces and a hand were even in frame in the corresponding shot of the film! Ahhh, the 80's! A certain sacrifice is right, I sacrificed a certain hour of my life I will never fucking get back.